Here is a list of things I have refrained from saying out loud in the past 7 days:

“If I saw someone twice your size strike you like that and walked away I’d be a jerk. Just because its your son doesn’t change the situation.”

“Maybe she ‘disrespek’ you because you keep calling her a bitch / hoe.”

“Further, respect is earned, not owed.”

“Just because your daughter is in grade school doesn’t make ‘assault’ ‘bullying’.”

“Its hot out and alcohol is a diuretic, I don’t care if your car does have AC put down the beer when you’re driving it. For your health and mine.”

“I didn’t build Philadelphia, its not my fault you’re on the wrong street.”

“My lack of a quarter for you Mr. Homeless has nothing to do with my sexuality.”

“Asking me twice doesn’t change ‘no’ to ‘yes’.”

“I’m well aware of the fact that I got a haircut. Why did you just tell me I got a haircut? I was there for it. Its my head…”

And perhaps the most important thing I should have said while walking the streets of Philadelphia: